


Tidings of Comfort and Joy

by Mina Lightstar (ukefied)



Series: Comment Fic Fills [18]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-31
Updated: 2014-05-31
Packaged: 2018-01-27 19:52:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1720556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ukefied/pseuds/Mina%20Lightstar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You're not SANTA."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tidings of Comfort and Joy

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written many, many years ago for bonnefois.

"Ho, ho, ho. What do you want for Christmas, little girl?"

"You're not  _Santa_ ," the little girl accuses. She folds her arms and pouts in his lap. When she shakes her head, her pigtails whip about her face. "You're not jolly at all!"

"Ho, ho, ho, but I can pass messages on to him. So tell me what you want for Christmas?"

"A REAL SANTA!" she shrieks, and pulls his beard off.

When her mother ushers the little girl away with apologies, Gintoki sighs. This has to be the most degrading job he has ever had to take. He might have refused it, too, if they didn't need the money for Christmas presents -- and hospital fees, because when Shinpachi checked their bank account yesterday, he had a heart attack.

"Me next! Me next!" is all the warning he's given before a heavy weight lands on this thighs.

"OW -- what -- Kagura?!"

"Santa-san, fix your beard!" she scolds, trying to do it for him. "I want a new collar for Sadaharu, and a new dish for Sadaharu, and chocolate, and some more chocolate, and chocolate for Sadaharu, and coupons for the food court, and chocolate."

"You're being greedy." Gintoki tries to stick a finger in his ear, but the red mittens make it impossible. He gives up and pokes Kagura in the forehead, instead. "In this world, there are children who don't get to have  _any_  chocolate. You're one of them," he adds, "because we need our money to keep Shinpachi on life support."

"Stupid Shinpachi! Then for Christmas, I want a new, better Shinpachi."

"That's impossible. And stupid."

"YOU'RE THE WORST SANTA EVER!" Kagura bellows, and yanks off his beard before leaping from his lap and retreating down the dais.

"I'll beat you a quarter-to-death, you moron!" he shouts after her, and makes to give chase. He doesn't account for the suit he's wearing -- the one that adds to his Kris Kringle image by adding to his belly -- and loses his balance.

Rolling down the red carpet is probably the most undignified thing he's ever done.

 

***

 

"No one will ever believe you're Santa Claus," Zura sighs.

"I don't want them to," Gintoki points out. He sticks a pinky in his ear as they leave the prison. "Santa delivers millions of toys all around the world in one night. That's dedication I don't have."

"Lazy," the raven-haired samurai mutters.

"Thanks for bailing me out, Zura."

"Katsura! And forget it; I had to pick up Elizabeth, anyway."

Gintoki glances back at the mysterious creature waddling behind them. "What was it in for?"

"Indecent exposure."

_I am ashamed,_  Elizabeth's sign reads.

"As  _you_  should be," Zura snaps, pointing at Gintoki. "What kind of Santa Claus strangles a child?"

"Kagura's not a child. She's an idiot. And she started it." Ignoring Zura's disdainful look, Gintoki adds, "Let's go to your place. You can sit in Santa's lap. He might have a present for you."

The disdain becomes disgust. "That has to be one of the  _dumbest_  things I've ever heard."


End file.
